Chapter 26

By the time Naomi’s first birthday rolled around, she was legally ours. This means that the state of California officially established and recognized us as her parents, granting us full rights under the law. This is the point in time when adoptive parents can breathe soundly. Up until this point, we were considered “foster” parents, able to make rudimentary decisions but having no legal standing over our daughter. This is a very scary place to be, and we were glad to be done with it. From this point we could move forward with the assurance that no one could take our daughter from us.

It was in this assurance that I reached out to Pam once more. I knew that as much as this turning point was an assurance and joy for me, it had to have been a struggle for her. Here we were, approaching Naomi’s first birthday, the anniversary of the time we had so intently spent together, getting to know one another. I thought of all we had been through together in that short amount of time and felt an overwhelming sadness for Pam being alone with her thoughts. I wanted her to know that I loved her, that I was thinking about her, that she was not alone. And so I wrote another letter.

Hi Pam~

Okay, so the Pumpkin Latte is alive and well, constantly reminding me of our time together this time last year. I need to buy some more Aquaphor because of the cold and dryness, constantly alluding to our time together in the hospital, when chapstick was not enough. My Softlips stick is still going strong, which is definitely a plus;^) And through all of this, you are on my mind. 

I wonder how you are doing, my friend, near this first anniversary. Here I am, so blessed because of the decision you made and stuck to. Humbled. Forever grateful and full of joy, yet heavy of heart. I want you to know, if you can blink back the tears long enough, how thankful I truly am. Out of all the trials and losses of building my family came four blessings, the last little one from you. She is such an incredible happiness in my life, her smile and sweet disposition a reoccurring song 

You were and always will be a vessel of love and selflessness to me. As I look at Naomi Isabella Renee I am reminded of your strength. Not every woman can do what you did, to think so much outside of herself with clear deliberation. You spent the first nine months of her life, caring for her, dreaming of her, loving her. I saw how you smiled when you told me how you were looking forward to finally meeting her. I saw how your heart ached as you anticipated leaving the hospital without her. I admired your strength as we did leave, a sorry white lamb in your arms, a poor filling for the emptiness in your soul. You bore a piece of your heart that day, handed it to me, and you stand today forever changed. 

Though they seem like silly words at this point, since words will always fall short of my admiration for you, thank you. Thank you for being wise, thank you for being selfless, thank you for being strong, thank you for the piece of your heart that became mine. 

With Much Love,

Renee

Pam returned my effort with some of her own, talking on the phone, and expressing a desire to meet up for coffee sometime. I was glad that she wanted to have a relationship with me again. Together, we talked about everything in general, life, work, hopes and dreams. We even talked briefly about her time with Joe, though she never shared much detail. Pam recognized the mistake in her decision to contact Joe and was glad that not much bad came out of it. She was in a better place now and moving on. 

Every now and again we would continue to get together for our “Girl Dates” (which included shopping, movies, and the inevitable Starbucks stop). I enjoyed hearing about Pam’s progress, the time she spent with Cassandra, and the efforts of reconciliation she had made with her family. She was once again participating in family vacations and establishing herself as Cassandra’s confidant. It seemed that all was progressing nicely and significant relationships were being re-established. 

I think this time that Pam and I spent together was invaluable in our open-adoption relationship. I prioritized my time with her and made purposeful effort to maintain the connection. Because the adoption was finalized, she could be assured that my efforts were genuine – I was there because I wanted to be, not because I felt like I had to be.