Chapter 5

Ring, ring. Just as quickly as that, it happened. The moment my throat drops to my feet, and I think, if only for a moment, that this could be the call. It is the moment I dream of, and the moment I dread. The illusion of control melts away in a flurry of anticipation; step aside head, my heart is at the wheel! Tell me, just as quickly as you can, tell me everything.

A birth mother had chosen to meet with us. It would be difficult to coordinate schedules, but thinking we could get together within a week. Four days later was the official date, and my heart burned with anticipation. Would she like us? What if we did or said the wrong thing? What should our “meeting gift” be?

Although it might seem silly to some, how I answered that last question was crucial. The gift I chose would communicate more to her than my words ever could. It would be what she was left with when our meeting was done. It would be the thing that reminded her of our time together, and stayed with her as she considered us as potential parents. The gift I chose had to supersede the moment and have lasting, positive effect. The weight of this burden I wish on no one. My mind was blank, and then brilliance — Bath and Body Works.

What seemed like a masterful plan quickly faded away in the rows of colors and scents. Spice, fruity, classic — all I could think of was epic failure. The chemistry of skin to scent is very essential, and not something I had considered. If I chose the wrong one, she might see it as a sign of her “wrong” choice. And so I was frozen in fear of indecision. I don’t even want to think about the dabs of scent strewn across my arms in hopes of finding the perfect one. In the end I settled on Butterfly Flower, selecting the soft and whimsical scent, a title suggesting free and hopeful possibility.