David Christian
I was a frame of my former self, breathing, heart beating, but hardly alive. It had been three months since we lost Daniel and I still walked with an emptiness in my soul.
“He has Pulmonary Stenosis. Do you know what that is?” The words echoed between my ears as I sat intently with the phone pressed to one, my hand over the other. I tried to concentrate. As the County Relinquishment social worker spoke, her words were mechanical. No, I had never heard of it before. “Well, I’ll give you a chance to research it and call you back in a couple of hours.” And with that Laura hung up the phone.
Paul was at work, and Lydia was napping, so I busied myself with the computer. “It’s a heart condition,” I tried to explain as Paul ate his lunch. “Are we willing to consider him?” Of course, it was never a question in our mind before, but after losing Daniel I wondered if Paul might be hesitant. “It doesn’t hurt to hear more.” I agreed.
Learning About David
Shayla was only 15 years old when she gave birth to David. Pregnant and deserted by the birth father, she made her decision for adoption, supported by her aunt at the hospital. It was her call, her mother had said. I could not imagine being where she was, of sound mind at such a tender age to carry out her pregnancy, and then pick me to be his mother. Would we be bringing David home? There wasn’t a doubt in my mind, heart condition and all.
I had prayed for a son, so earnestly after we lost Daniel. Knowing what it meant to love and be loved by a little man, I wanted so desperately to have that again. Pleading with God, I made a deal, that if I couldn’t have Daniel, He would give me another son. I am not sure what that move was — a desperate one, made by a woman in a desperate place. But I didn’t care. He owed me one.
Laura didn’t beat around the bush telling us about David. In fact, she was very upfront about his disability right from the start. This was a serious, life condition — it wouldn’t go away. They diagnosed him after birth; a nurse who was caring for him heard the irregularity in his heartbeat. His birth mom didn’t know about the diagnosis until after she was discharged, and had left him in the care of the county relinquishment program.
She brought one picture, and apologized that she didn’t have more to show us. Laura had just returned from vacation and barely caught Shayla before she left the hospital. David hadn’t been exposed to any drugs or alcohol in utero. The heart condition had been genetically passed down. Birth father knew of the pregnancy, but wasn’t interested in being a part of it all. His parents expressed an interest in possibly adopting David, but Shayla wanted to meet us.
This story felt all too familiar, a scary familiar. The birth family was still involved when we brought Daniel home. There were visits. We had to ride that emotional roller-coaster for almost a year. It was too much, and this moment brought it all back for us. “So do they have a chance to get custody?”
Laura didn’t think so. Moving forward, meeting with Shayla, we would be looking toward bringing David home within the week. Because of his heart condition, he may have to have surgery soon, and it was important for him to be settled before then. At that moment we looked at each other and just knew. It was now or never. “Okay, when can we meet her?”
Meeting Shayla
The date was set within a couple of days. As we pulled into the Bravo Burger’s parking lot, we scanned the cars. Are they here yet? We tried not to walk too quickly, and steadied each other as we entered the restaurant. Scanning the room we quickly spotted them in the far right corner and made a beeline, trying carefully not to trip over chairs along the way.
“Hey, you guys found the place!” Laura helped introduce us to each other before Shayla headed to counter to pick up her order: large fries and chocolate milkshake. We tried to keep the conversation focused on her, trying to learn as much as we could in the short time we had. Shayla answered them thoughtfully as she dipped her fries in the shake and brought them repeatedly to her mouth.
We learned she was good at art, music, and theater. Shayla wanted to be a graphic artist when she grew up. “Do you believe in spanking?” Her question was direct and to the point. Fortunately Laura answered that question for us. “That is not an acceptable form of punishment for foster parents licensed by the county.” It was strange to have my discipline style questioned by a child. When her mom came to pick her up, we asked to take pictures of the two of them, and watched in welcomed, comic relief as they posed like Charlie’s Angels.
Hello David!
Two days later, we met David for the first time at his cardiologist appointment. It felt awkward meeting him there, undressing him for exams, trying to comfort him through it all. He didn’t know me. Uncomfortable and terribly unsure of myself, I tried my best to play the part.
But it was different from what I remembered when we first met Lydia and Daniel. Reviewing the steps of what I thought I should do, my feelings detached from the experience, I was just going through the motions. I had to tell myself to hold David close, to smell and kiss his head. To dote on him. My heart didn’t want to bond.
“Why would you want to raise a child like this?” the technician asked as she took the ultrasound. “I mean, I get it when your child is born like this. You have no other choice.” I sat stunned, silent for a moment as I thought.
We did have a choice, and were choosing to love another child placed in our arms by another birth mom, not sure of the road the lay ahead, but resolute in our decision to continue to build our family through adoption. In time, with intent we would learn how to bond again, to love without reservation, to support him in his disability. “He is our son.”
Oh to be in the mind of David, where everything is possible! Math whiz and natural engineer, he loves to build and create beyond what the directions say, and that is what I love most. His is a world of natural wonder and excitement for what has yet to be discovered. As a piano aficionado and master puzzler, his intense concentration on the things he loves grounds him and makes him a never-ending source of discovery and wonder in our home. If you ever sit for just a moment in a room with him, I’m sure you’ll marvel at his epic sense of humor, the pure joy his smile and laughter brings. Always my heart, forever my son, my life would be a complete bore without you, Buddy. Love, forever and always.
