Lydia Part 8: Finding Support

We made a conscious decision to be there for Lydia and, after 20-25 years of teaching, officially became students again ourselves. Talking to whoever could speak from experience, reading every book ever published on the subject, we pursued wisdom and knowledge.

When I found myself in this place, sorely under-prepared to care for my child, I could not get information fast enough. I felt a hunger to know where she was and the place she was coming from. Somehow, through misunderstanding, I was no longer her safe place, and I longed to be that again.

Figuring Things Out

We were both relearning our relationship with each other and life. Lydia had to figure out how to appropriately respond to crisis situations and relationships systematically so they could be managed. I had to release my judgement, prioritize now, and be present.

But perhaps the most impactful thing I had to learn through all of it is radical acceptance. There are things in this life that I simply have no power over, and my efforts to change them were a waste of my time and energy.

I learned to accept experiences as inevitable and my appropriate response to them, essential. Anything outside of myself was off-limits. I had to focus on what I could do.

Looking to the Future

Open conversation was necessary. I asked about her future. What do you want? Much to my surprise, Lydia still wanted to go to college. Her lack of interest in school was due to her mismanaged condition. But Lydia had always been a scholar, hungry for knowledge and theory. Through it all, she hadn’t lost that part of herself.

We transferred schools and enrolled her in a program that would leave room for her self-care in her academic pursuit. Her mental and emotional needs had to come first; without preserving this space, everything else would inevitably crumble anyways. This became our top priority.

Despite the juggle of care and learning, in a matter of one quarter, Lydia was able to pull her grades up to all As and Bs. She was determined to give it everything she had.

We got her on a 504 plan so that the school could understand and know how to support her in her learning. Counseling and psychiatry appointments became a weekly/bi-weekly occurrence as we strove to sort everything out, and find the clarity and support we needed to move forward.

When things had settled a bit, we also got Lydia a dog she could train. Neo would be taught the skills he needed to provide support in social settings. We hoped this would give Lydia something to focus on and work towards. After training, he would be added to her 504 plan.

Becoming this parent was not an easy task. I had to relearn everything I knew, from guidance, to support, and in advocacy for my child. Those who have not been here have the distinct advantage of blissful ignorance. And no matter how much I wanted to return to that space, I could not.

Life became an arena for pain and growth, beyond what I ever could have wanted or imagined. But it was mine, and hers, and neither of us were giving up.