I am a person of many titles and hats, and not one completely defines me. A work in the making, never static, always thinking, me. Daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, teacher/professor, athlete, coach, confidante, and writer.

Growing up the middle of three latchkey children, raised by a single mom in the winter and dad in the summer until spring of 1989, at which time I also became the middle of seven children in a blended family. 

I played basketball competitively for four years at Fresno Pacific University, earning a Bachelor’s Degree in English. My teaching career began right after graduation, fall of 1998. In 2004, I completed an MA in English Composition shortly after bringing home our beautiful daughter, Lydia. My husband and I (both teachers) began job-sharing for the next 13 years as we continued to build our family through adoption.

My perfect number was six (and Paul’s was three), so we tried to move quickly through each re-liscensing in order to raise our children close in age.  When Lydia was almost two years old, we brought home Daniel (court-dependent placement, nine months old).

I treasured the time I had with him. Heart broken, having to return him to his birth father just under a year later, I wondered if I could stomach that loss again. Three months later we welcomed David, then Elijah, and Naomi. The desire for my children outweighed my greatest fear.

On this road I have learned that adoption can be a lonely space, one filled with dashed dreams and unrealistic expectations, of bars set too high (although well-meaning), and no one to turn to when we find ourselves in that vulnerable and raw state, very few who truly get it. It is also a place of unexpected joy and privilege. Of becoming a family (in an exponential sense), and learning that love is not limited to biological connection.

Four kids and 44 years later I have learned that life is an adventure, and I’m not sure I will ever get to the point of completely knowing until the end. With that in mind I live each day in wide-eyed wonder, constant discovery and redirection, trying not to be hard on the me that was living a few minutes before now. I look forward to  openly reflecting on what I have learned so far, hoping that in the end, we can look back and be thankful for the part of a journey we shared